November 12, 2010

4 months. 16 weeks. 112 days. a third of the year.

it doesn't matter how you look at it...that's a long time to not talk to someone. that's a long time to act like you don't care. that's a long time to hurt the people that were the most supportive of you. that's a long time for you to act like nothing has happened.

it's been a hard 4 months. it's been an insane roller coaster that has had too many ups and downs for my liking. i get mad at myself for being sad or hurt that she i don't think that she deserves my sadness. it really bothers me that when i see something that she bought me or reminds me of her and then i get upset. it's like this whole thing is always around me and i can't catch my breath.

it's been over a month since she has tried to have any contact with me (and even that was so minimal it's almost not worth mentioning) and even though i don't really want to talk to her right now i get mad that she hasn't even tried. it makes me feel unwanted by her, unloved by her. how can a mother be like that?

i can't thank certain people enough for being there for me & my family over this time. from old friends to new friends to some family to members of our church to co-workers...everyone has been great. i am so much more thankful that i am close to my dad, brother, & sister. i am so much more thankful for being a part of the maples family.

and now as the tears stream down my face and i'm not even sure why i am deciding to write this and post it on the internet, i'm saying goodnight. i could still really use your prayers (obviously).

thanks. love.

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